Genesis 3:8-13

8 And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. 9 But the Lord God called to the man and said to him, “Where are you?”

10 And he said, “I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked, and I hid myself.”

11 He said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten of the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?”

12 The man said, “The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit of the tree, and I ate.”

13 Then the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this that you have done?” The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”

It’s risky in our current cultural climate to comment publicly on the differences between the sexes, but I guess I’m in a foolish mood, because that’s exactly what I want to do. See, I still hold onto the shocking belief that men and women are different: not different in value or intelligence or courage or any other virtue, but nevertheless different in more ways than just our physical bodies.

For example, I think men and women usually face different temptations. This is not to say that men always face certain temptations and women never face those same temptations, but that usually this is how things are.

That being said:

I think passivity is the primal temptation in the heart of man.

In Eden after the Fall, the man tries to pin the blame on the woman, and then onto God:

“The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.”

Now, blame-shifting and a refusal to take responsibility is certainly a part of human nature (the woman doesn’t hesitate to claim the serpent tricked her), but I’m wondering if passivity is more often found on the male side of the species than the female.

Think about a problem in your family, or the family next door: my suspicion is that, more often than not, a passive male in the family is the root of that problem.
Passivity can take two equal and opposite forms:

• the obvious form—lazy, unmotivated, weak-willed;

• but it can also take the opposite form: controlling, domineering, violent.

Both forms are the two sides of the same passive coin.

The opposite of passivity is responsibility.

The modern concept of “toxic masculinity” is often focused on the second form passivity takes: control, domination, violence. See, a passive man places himself in the center of his world and demands that everyone else meet his needs in the way he wants them met. This passivity often takes the form of violence and coercion, but it is still passive, since it’s about his refusal to take responsibility for himself and his anger that the world won’t work the way he wants it to.

The opposite of passivity is not domination, but responsibility. Responsibility is not controlling, but loving.

I don’t know any woman personally who wants to be controlled by the various men in her life, but at the same time I don’t think I know a single woman personally who doesn’t want the men in her life to exercise more responsibility.

I think one of our social problems—part of the so-called “Crisis of Masculinity”—is that men in our culture are forcing women to carry a double load of responsibility—the woman’s own responsibility, as well as shouldering the man’s responsibility, too. Don’t misunderstand: I’m not talking about gender roles in the household or things like that. Rather, I’m talking about the basic responsibilities that human flourishing requires:

• accepting the idea that no one owes you anything;

• believing that nothing in life comes without a cost;

• understanding that the most important relationships require sacrificial commitment;

• knowing that delaying gratification is a necessary habit that leads to a flourishing life.

For reasons I don’t understand, women seem more ready than men (broadly speaking) to accept those hard, necessary responsibilities and to move forward. This is not to say that women don’t also struggle with passivity, but just that passivity seems to be more of a fundamental temptation in the hearts of men.

Taking responsibility, of course, means that you can’t point fingers at another person: it is only about you, and your choices, reactions, and results. Where are you failing to take responsibility?

Or, I guess I should say: where am I?